What are you most afraid of?
Amy Bass put up a great post on her blog. Check out this My Debt Free Goal post.
Right now, my biggest fear is failure to launch on my current business ventures. If I don’t start making a significant income pretty soon on at least one of them, I’ll have to go back to the dreaded j-o-b, that is if I can find one.
I haven’t been able to find a job in the chemical industry since 2003. I have a set of extremely specialized skills that are no longer marketable. I’m a wet lab chemist. Most companies no longer have wet labs or use these techniques (titration mostly). I also have a lot of development and problem solving skills because I worked in R&D and it was my job to develop methods and solve problems. My old lab partner and I also took our wet techniques to the next level – fully automating them using computer controlled titrators, specialized electrodes and applied the chemistry from visual titration methods to accomplish this. Companies mostly switched to instrumental techniques like NMR, IR, GC, LC, and ICP. They no longer use titration methods. So I’ve been out of luck in job hunting in my field for some time.
Why and Why Not?
First question: why not get training in one or more of those instrumental techniques? The minimum amount of training I’d need would be to go to graduate school and get my master’s degree in an area using one of those techniques. Companies don’t want a list of courses, they want evidence of experience and success with a technique and they don’t want to bare the expense of employees acquiring those skills until the employee has shown he/she is worth it. So, they’re not going to hire me just to see if any training classes I’ve taken were sufficient. I’d have to get a master’s degree because to get one you have to gain a lot of experience in research while you’re gaining course credits and grades. When you’re done, you graduate, too, and companies value advanced degrees.
Why not get a master’s degree in chemistry in one of those areas? I don’t have the money, savings, time, energy or the drive it would take to get one right now. I have a twelve-year-old and family responsibilities. Graduate school full-time is a 60-80 hour per week commitment with extremely little pay, and it would last for two years. It’s been 22 years since I’ve been a full-time student and since I’ve studied advanced level chemistry, physics and math. I’m not sure I still have what it would take to succeed.
Other Options
Why not get a master’s degree in another field? That is just the ticket. I’m currently working on it on a part-time, cash-only basis in personal financial planning. I’m getting there, but part-time sure doesn’t move like full-time school does. There will be rewards along the path with this as well, an RFC credential when I finish my first 6 classes, and eligibility to take the CFP(r) exam and be awarded the CFP(r) credential. Then I can finish my coursework and get an M.S., too. I can also choose to stop after my first 6 classes because I’ll be able to get a CFP(r) at that point, and that’s the credential consumers look for in a financial adviser.
My other option is to get my teaching license and teach chemistry. That is very doable with a few courses part-time. Lord knows the schools here need good science teachers. After being in the field for 19 years, I already bring a lot of experience to my tutoring students. Having tutored so many in science, I know I could do as good a job as any science teacher currently out there, and probably make it a lot more fun.
Vicious Circle
But in the meantime, I’ve got to have a sufficient income to support me and my family. Earning a decent living is interfering with my coursework completion, which is slowing down my future business prospects, which leads me right back to where I am now, in need of a decent income. It’s a vicious circle right now. And, because of the years without a steady income, I wracked up all the debt this blog is about. The only debt I had at the end of 2003 when I was laid off was my home’s first mortgage. So income is my first priority right now.
That is why I’m putting so much effort and time (but no money) into internet marketing. If I had a sufficient passive income along with my tutoring income, cutting expenses, and selling accumulated junk to make lump-sum debt payments, I could support my family, finish my classes, get my credentials and be free to pursue whatever future career path I choose. And pay off all this debt much fast than I can right now.
I still haven’t made my first $10 online with 30DC, and I’ve stalled at day 27. The last week of training had so much stuff to do that I haven’t implemented much of it yet on my 4 niche topics. I’m working on that, but not with the focus I had before day 27.
Am I stalled because I fear succeeding wildly at this? I don’t think so. I’ve always loved success. It feels really good. I do tend to be impatient when it comes to getting things accomplished. If I’m distracted too often from something, I’ll lose momentum and go on to something more interesting with fewer distractions. I’m not going to let that happen this time. I succeeded at completing a 4-year college degree in 6 years after changing my major 5 times, so I can succeed at online marketing, too. It sure won’t take me 6 years. Six months, maybe, but not 6 years.
I believe a lot of my momentum loss has to do with the back-to-back anniversaries of Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita. The lack of focus and energy is probably being caused by some depression creeping through my medication, but that’s bound to happen with such traumatic events in the recent past. I’m beginning to get my focus back and get my momentum going again. This year was the first year I’ve actually felt angry about the levee failures in New Orleans, the bungled response by FEMA and the extreme lack of federal help to rebuild a major American city and a state that contributes so much to the U.S. economy. That story is on my hurricane Katrina pictures blog. I don’t really remember much about this time last year at the first anniversary, only that I was having a hell of a time getting out of bed in the morning. I did it, but I really can’t tell you how. I was numb, and numb gets you nowhere. It’s a complete lack of emotion, or the result of turning your emotions off and your mind turning them into physical fatigue, an avoidance mechanism. If you’re asleep you don’t feel depressed. Anger is a much better, more motivating emotion.
So, enough rambling about success and failure. Back to cleaning off my desk and working on my 30DC sites! Maybe I should have named my 30DC blog: $10, come hell or high water.
