Be Careful When You Put Yourself Out There
I asked a question on the My Total Money Makeover member website community forum. It was a simple question, “Which debts go in the debt snowball? I remember Dave Ramsey saying something about any debt that is over half you annual income doesn’t go in the snowball”.
I did remember correctly. Debts over half your annual income go in baby step 6, not in baby step 2. That will help me out on the 3-5 highest debts I have, and the 3 that are running up interest at the greatest rates as well. Now that I know they go in baby step 6 I have to find out what to do to stop paying on them right now. But I’ve been too scared to ask another question on the forum.
When I started getting replies to my questions I got a question back from one member asking me very nicely if I would share the details of my situation and that said member also reads this blog. So I gave it a little thought and decided what the heck, this member has real life experience in business debt and self-employment. And said member was very helpful.
What I didn’t consider about opening up my financial closet full of skeletons is other members are going to read the post and comment on it as well. Being a member forum helping each other means people generally answer questions from their own perspective. This means they will say things like “I’ll try to be kind” (translation, I’m going to be just slightly less mean than usual), “from your reply it doesn’t sound like you’re committed to the plan” and “you haven’t made the BIG changes you need to make”.
In my current financial and mental state, saying things like that to me is like waving a red flag in front of a very angry bull. I exploded in writing and got back replies chastising me for being so angry. I apologized about ranting on and blowing up, and more people wrote back with encouraging words instead of advice.
But still, even if you put your private life on display in a member forum to seek help you shouldn’t get kicked for it – that’s how I felt and how I still feel. You either shouldn’t have done it in the first place (wisest choice), or people who comment on forums as emotionally charged as the My TMMO forum should be a lot more gentle about what they say to others. Not everyone is looking for an accountability slap, or advice that doesn’t really apply to them.
For example, those who have never run a small business should not comment about small business and self-employment issues unless they are there to be supportive of anyone in a desperate heap of trouble. I’m not going to get on the forum and tell someone I don’t know that they aren’t committed. I don’t know them or their situation.
Maybe I’ve had too much therapy, but if someone asked me if they were committed enough, I’d probably say back to them “I don’t know, do you think you’re committed enough?” Most people are going to be tougher on themselves than anyone else. Unless someone really reads your detailed post and understands your world from their own personal experience, they are not able to give you advice worth having.
Why should you listen to anyone giving advice on the forum? They’re broke! (This is an inside joke from the MyTMMO forum. One of the avatar captions you get is “Don’t give me advice. You’re broke!”).
I wish I had the debt problems of 90% of the people on that forum. I could manage their debts easily on what I make. I’d gladly trade with nearly anyone of them.
I’m frighteningly close to bankruptcy and I’m just trying to figure out a way to avoid it. I figured that out when I was preparing my last debt report post. I’m paying $1000/mo on the debt and it’s going up $1500 or more per month above that. I now realize there isn’t a way to deal with this by reading a book and following a cookie-cutter plan.
My only hope is to start making substantially more than I’m making now and get professional help with restructuring my situation so it’s manageable in the short-term. High income doesn’t just fall in your lap. It takes work to find work. It takes a lot of work to find high enough paying work. It takes time along with a lot of work to develop a high-paying income stream doing something you love. It takes soul-searching, time and a lot of work to figure out what you love.
I have a copy of “48 Days to the Work You Love” by Dan Miller on the way free shipping from Amazon. I’m earning as much as I can doing whatever right now, but I’ve got to find a plan to be doing what I love making what I want to make in 5 years or less. If I don’t find a passion to turn into a profession, I’ll doom myself to the corporate world of industrial chemistry and face getting laid off about every 3 years or so. That’s assuming I can ever find another job as a lab chemist. They just don’t seem to be around here anymore. It’s not that being a chemist isn’t great. I love it. But many manufacturing jobs here are going to places like Mexico, China and South America where labor is cheap and environmental laws aren’t such a pain (yet).
I plan to call the Dave Ramsey professional counselor team Monday or Wednesday. I don’t know if they will be closed Monday, New Year’s Eve. I tried working with the only local DR counselor, but he didn’t have the knowledge or experience to help me. He didn’t even look at my numbers before he told me I wasn’t bankrupt. He would have been right 90% of the time. With me, he is more than likely wrong, unless some restructuring will really help buy me some time until I can get my income up.
I’ve gone through every financial item I have on my budget and worked out the expenses without the unsecured debt payments in an Excel spreadsheet, so I’m ready to provide timely and detailed information to whomever I work with. I have it printed and ready to fax.
When I did the budget for January 2008, I managed to get expenses down to $3300 from $3700 in December. There may still be more to cut. I hope so.
I learned some valuable lessons:
- Don’t give out personal details without a guarantee of confidentiality. It will likely be used as ammunition against you by some schmuck who thinks because they’re doing X, it applies to everyone else.
- Don’t seek advice from amateurs when you need a professional.
- Get answers to specific questions a readership or listener-ship will be able to answer factually. But don’t tell your detailed story even if asked.
This is a great post.
This is my first time visiting your blog and I’ve subscribed to read it regularly.
I’ve also added it to my blog roll on my site.
We are also trying to get debt free.
Good Luck on becoming debt free!
Comment by jwthornhill | December 30, 2007
jwthornhill,
Thanks so much! Best of luck with your debt free journey. It’s tough, but worth it.
I’ll be keeping everyone posted on how things are going now that I realize I need to do more about my debt than what I’ve been doing over the last several months.
Comment by joubess | December 30, 2007